How to Say NO | Top 3 Tips
Hello, Welcome to the Elias Talk money v-log where I talk all things money and motivation. Today we're going to be talking about how to say no which is a very important part of becoming financially fit. To stay on your path to financial freedom you'll need to say no to things that do not further your goals. Whether it be to perhaps family members, friends, sales people, co-workers, or others.
There are several reasons why people find it difficult to say no, and I would round it down to two general categories that I'll talk about:
#1. Trying to be nice. This is a bad habit that a lot of people have in varying degrees. They don't want to make other people feel upset, and sometimes they overthink the potential consequences for their actions if they were to say no. This might be fear of social exclusion such as they might lose out on affection, or it could be something more tangible like consequences at work if they were to say no to their boss at work. Sometimes the fear has some validity, but often our imaginations can get a bit out of hand on the potential consequences, and the fear can be overdone to a point that people don't speak out enough; and they are too agreeable to go long and do things that they really don't want to do. It's important to relax when dealing with these situations and find the proper balance and be realistic in your perspective, so you don't overreact to fears like people often tend to do.
#2. Fear of Missing Out or F.OM.O. Their scared to say "no" because they fear it might actually be a good opportunity for them and they would miss out. Trained sales people will actively try to exploit this feeling in you and cultivate that feeling. You never want to make a decision based on this as this is how you can make big mistakes. Yes people will often tell you to use you gut, but don't confuse FOMO with your gut intuition because they aren't the same thing. Regardless, if there is some confusion on what your gut is telling you just take the time to vet your decisions in a rationale and thought out manner.
So next time your in a situation and your feeling some anxiety like you don't want to upset someone or you're experiencing some FOMO try some of the following things.
#1. Instead of perhaps giving a response right away yes or no seek clarification and more information instead. Like can what your asking me for today be done tomorrow. Won't a better job be done if we do it this way or that way? Or please provide more information on the service or good you are offering me as I don't fully understand how it works etc. Try presenting other solutions that can be more of a win-win situation for both you and them focusing on what you want. This skill will take practice. By seeking more information and clarification often you can a) Get the other party to provide a solution that is more mutually beneficial (i.e. You can steer the ship) or b) You can get the information and the also time to make a decision that actually suites your needs, and is not based on F.O.M.O. Often people will say yes instinctively without properly thinking it through.
#2 Think about the person on the other side. This especially applies to the issue of people trying to be nice. People know when somebody says yes, but they really mean no. Naturally we all pick up on non-verbal communication. Have you ever dealt with someone who is wishy washy and instead of saying no they make excuses like I'll do it later or makes false statements to appease you for the time being by kicking the can down the road. We all know someone who does this. How does that make you feel? People like to deal with people that say what they mean and mean what they say even if sometimes they don't immediately appreciate it. Do you want to be that person that your word is not your bond when you say yes or no that people can't really depend on it? If you want to be successful working with people in business your word needs to mean something. By being honest and saying no politely by giving them the truth you are showing them more respect than giving them BS. Don't get into over-explaining yourself there is no need to give them a big story. Tell them you can't do it for x , y ,or z and move on.
#3 Take the time to think of what is being asked of you matches with your personal priority list. I.e. What are your priorities in life both professionally and personally. Your top 10 things actually write this down so you're fully conscience of it and review it periodically. Is it to spend time with family, build your business, become more physically fit through exercise, eat better, etc. This way when facing decisions you're not necessarily being yanked around by impulses. This can bring the right perspective and mindfulness before committing to someone else's requests to ensure they are in alignment with your own goals.
If there is one thing that people hate in life it's the feeling of being out of control. It's very important to be able to draw the line, and keep control of your own destiny. When you say yes to someone else's priorities you are essentially saying no or denying your own priorities. This doesn't mean that you have to be rude, but you can be fair and firm as far as what your desires and expectations are. Set your standards of what you will accept and what you will not accept in both your personal and professional life. Have respect for yourself and if something doesn't match or exceed those standards that you have say no respectfully and with a smile. Take a deep breath and stay calm while you're doing it. When you set standards for yourself and adhere to them your self-esteem will also improve. Know that you are special and that your time is valuable.
Ultimately, this might land you in some conflict by saying no (some people might try and guilt you or verbally strong arm you), but probably less than you think but it still will happen. If you want to be successful and run your life you can't be too concerned to run from conflict or be too concerned with other people's thoughts. Too many people are way to scared of conflict. Take it in stride and if some people are too demanding you might have to tell them to buzz off or fly a kite! Like with anything the more you do it the better you'll get at it, and the more comfortable you will be doing it. It is actually empowering. You might need to overcome conditioning to be able to do this as from a young age in school we're taught to be nice and agreeable, but this is a trait of being a good worker for someone else. If you want to be your boss this is a terrible attribute.
So that's all for today. Let me know your thoughts on the topic in the comments, or if you have any suggestions or tips on how to say no, or your own perspective. If you enjoyed the video please like and subscribe, and hit the notification button so you can be alerted when new videos come out. Keep your feet on the ground but your head in the sky. Over and Out!